I woke up to a quiet house this morning, Adam had taken the girls to breakfast as per usual, and I lay deep in thought perplexed by my own lack of desire that has loomed over me for months. I have lost a part of what I love about living and it appears I almost don’t ever care. My studio door is shut, my desk clean…no longer appears to have been used, a thin layer of dust has formed and some how I’m ok with that.
This morning, though, after weeks of suppressing the urge to care, I wonder what it is or rather why the change of heart? After mulling over ideas and reasons, fear is what was left looking back at me.
I actually believe fear is a great motivator to help us fight for what we want. Sequichie Comingdeer said, “the death of fear is in doing what you fear to do.” In fact, that’s exactly what put me on the path to run a 1/2 marathon. I have never in my life been a good runner and I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it, that I could face my fear and win. Unfortunately, and I think this is where it all began, I hurt my back and running my race was no longer a part of my immediate future. In my mind fear had won. I gave into those feelings and let it take hold of me. I let it happen because let’s face it, life is easier when you are not propelled to become your best.
So I have been aimlessly walking. Hoping, I would, at some point find my way back when I knew, subconsciously, it was me all along that was keeping me from where I wanted to be. The greater part of this may cialis usa online would appear that one’s hereditary play a more notable part in those individuals who will develop Parkinson’s at an early age. The impotence medication works at a physiological level in extending the ‘point of no return’ when having sex with cialis 5mg cheap the partner. Women and kids shouldn’t utilize this solution as it is not at all safe for the health. prescription viagra prices Consult with a chiropractor to get a diagnosis and prescribe the correct medication. devensec.com cheap cialis How can you have the answers, but not know how to use them? Because it’s hard. Because it’s uncomfortable. Because it doesn’t come naturally. Because…..
“If you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll keep getting what you’ve always got.” -anonymous
I have a million excuses, don’t I. The fact is I will never peel away the layers and find the core until I get uncomfortable, do what I think is impossible, and have faith that my efforts will be worth it.
Sigh.
In truth, as we know, this is not the first time I have expressed these feelings so why do I think today is different? I don’t know that it is. But I do know that I have a renewed sense to get out of the place that I’m in and move forward. I guess, sometimes, that’s all you need. And today it feels like enough. It feels good to believe that anything is possible again.
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