So I tried to think of what I could do Monday that would be fun for my kids. I pretty much had it narrowed down to McDonald’s or inviting their friends to come play. I talked to this girl at church whose having a really hard time right now and asked her if she was up for either. She was with another woman in my ward (13 yrs older than me) who I just adore so I asked her as well. She has kids and loves gathering so I figured she would enjoy it as well. She exercises to eat so she is very particular about what calories she consumes. Not that she won’t have fatty foods, but she doesn’t want to waste a meal on McDonald’s so we decided to do something here…either get take out or make something. When I called them the next day one of the girls was with someone else and she invited her. I also adore this woman and was glad she was coming. I went about my business not really worrying or stressing about anyone coming over (that’s huge for me) just looking forward to the afternoon. Then my one friend called and said, “are you sure your ok hosting 18 people”. I hadn’t really taken into account all the kids that would be here. In fact I choose not to think about it knowing they would stay in the basement anyway. As far as I knew it would be the four of us and I chose to keep thinking of it that way.

So my friends came over, we fed the kids, and then sat down to enjoy our lunch. Can I just say it was one of the best days I’ve had in a long time. We talked for about 3.5 hours with minimal interruptions. All these herbs are blended brand cialis no prescription in right combination to safely boost male fertility. Premature Ejaculation:- levitra sale This is a condition in which men find it difficult to get it up or keep it up during intercourse with their partner. For women, they are struggling with their libido cialis in uk online and arousal because they often focus on body image and feel anxious regarding their look. It is viagra cialis for sale mainly due to lack of concentration or frequent lovemaking. In that moment I wouldn’t have wanted to do anything else and I realized the power woman have over each other and how important it is to have friends in your life. I think to often in big groups I feel like the outsider and see the intimate relationships around me and it saddens me and I leave feeling down. I didn’t feel this way when they left, but excited for the next time (we planned a dinner for february).

Right now as I write this I wonder if I’ve already decided how close I’m willing to let them get. I mean I didn’t hold back anything from the conversation, I felt very safe, but I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been burned and deeply hurt when I give all of myself. It’s my curse. I’ve never been blessed with a best friend, friends yes, someone to call and cry to, 1 maybe. Sadly I’m sure that must mean it’s all me or maybe I just haven’t met the right person, but I know I’ve met several right people. I had someone tell me in High School it was because of what i had. I use to think it was just because we were in HS. Girls are very immature, but the older I get the more I realize it’s not age. It’s me.

It’s really easy to go through life pushing all these feeling aside, but at the end of the day when you’re faced with yourself all that’s left is loneliness. I guess you just never know what lies behind the door.

This wasn’t the way this post was going to end. Please know I’m not feeling sorry for myself so please don’t feel sorry for me. I feel liberated. I feel I have found my safe place here. Thank you for taking the journey with me.