I’ve been thinking about my girls. Do they know I love them? Are they getting what they need? Do they feel understood? Are they happy?


I’ve been thinking about Adam. Does he know how much I love him? Does he know I need/want him? Is he getting what he needs from me? What can I do better for us? Does he feel understood? Are we continuing to grow?

I’ve been thinking about me. Where am I now? Where am I headed? What’s my purpose? Am I growing? Am I making changes? Am I living? Am I choosing to be happy? What could I do better? Am I too selfish? Am I helping others? Am I doing? Giving? What are my priorities?

Needless to say the last couple of weeks, the empty spaces that are filling my blog are due to my constant thoughts. The mere exhausting of unanswered questions keeps me away. Desperately wanting more from myself and getting so frustrating with my own tendencies. I know I’m a very strong woman which frustrates me because it seems like every time I go into battle it’s the same battle I’ve been fighting for years.

I guess you could say I do this about every 3 months or so, evaluate my life and wonder where I stand. Am I really turning into the person I want to be? That’s where the disappointment comes in. The woman I see is not the woman I know I should be or the woman I dream of becoming. I know it can’t happen overnight. Life is a process full of steps and I’m no fool to think I will be where I want in one. I guess I’m disappointed to see myself fall off the path or stop progressing completely. I know there is much more inside me. More work. More pleasure. This medication comes in the generic vs viagra dosage strengths of 30mg and 60mg. It alters from counseling, to drugs to vacuum pumps and canada viagra cialis surgery. Roberta McNabb and husband Ed McNabb have fought a legal battle for their son Jordan McNabb so that he could get medically needed levitra 100mg therapy. Choose one of the reputed pharmacies that offer 100% guarantee for their medications. you can try these out online viagra More growth. More love.

Yesterday while at stake conference I received my answer, a confirmation to the thoughts I’ve been having. The stake president said (and I paraphrase), “It is in this world, our earthly life, that we have the chance to change ourselves and help others do the same. To improve upon the person we are and build our character. As said in Alma 41, in the next life we will be restored to the person that we are today, good for good, evil for evil. It is now that we must develop and form our character while we have the opportunity to do so. Are we truly becoming new and sanctified creations this gospel plan is design to help us become?”

Powerful words that really hit home to me, especially yesterday with so much on my mind concerning where I am, how much I have or have not grown and what more I need to do. It’s the dauntingness (don’t think I can say that) of the task that always makes it harder for me to get up in the morning. Knowing that the goal is so far ahead that it’s almost impossible to reach becomes the focus instead of the goal. My tendencies, my battle is giving up before I’ve even tried. 5pm yesterday I won that battle. Try I must. Try I will. And although I know I’ll be here again, I know I will be one step closer to the goal because I took that step.