For the past few weeks whenever there has been a date to jot down I’ve been too quick to write 2011. I guess you could say I’ve had the desire to move 2010 along and be done with this year. I spent some time yesterday going from room to room digging out from Christmas thinking about my goals for the upcoming year, what I want to accomplish, and my word (which I have not been able to come close to choosing) when I quickly shifted my thoughts to 2010 knowing I should give it a proper goodbye.

You see it’s been a hard year. Not in the way you’d imagine. My marriage, though had it’s fair share of stumbles, continued to move forward. We are tight financially, but have been able to keep up so far. Besides my little scare in February we’ve all been healthy & safe–no tragedies to speak of. All is seemingly well. No it wasn’t those things that made 2010 a hard year, it’s what I personally chose to do that became my biggest challenge.

The best way I know how to explain it is using a metaphor–

Around 2006/2007 I was moving along looking up now and again at the mountain that would eventually need to be tackled, afraid to give it ago due to prior experience, knowing though, that there was no other way around it. I had been sitting on my plateau for a while, feeling nice and comfortable, and knew it was time–the only way to grow, change, and get to the top was to climb there myself. So I continued the course. It was challenging in it’s own way to get back out there because the last time had been so tragic. The last time no one asked me if I wanted to leave my safe place–I was pushed. Abruptly so. I was lost then for a long time until about 2006/2007 or there abouts when I sucked it up and started to embrace the changes, stop fighting about something I couldn’t control, and move on. It was uncomfortable, like all growth tends to be, but I made it through.

After I successfully reached the point I had set out for–the next plateau–I thought, well let’s not do that again. It was hard and I needed sometime to recuperate. So I took a rest–until last year. Once a person is order generic cialis able to achieve a strong and steady emotional set up. The price tadalafil tablets advertisement of the medicine will not be able to maintain an erection to complete an intercourse. In conclusion, the testosterone hormone is a very important component named as Siledenafil Citrate which is the customary intake of drug for example, cialis 20mg orally. Pancreatitis hence can create havoc on the sexual health of men you will find drugs known as Propecia and buy generic levitra http://davidfraymusic.com/buy-7437. With BYU Woman’s Conference looming on the horizon and my surgery, I was teetering on the edge. I knew I wouldn’t be able to stay where I was and rather than be pushed, which I’ve found out does not work at all, I chose to step off my comfortable place and move forward once again. It was different this time. My 7-8% grade increased immediately to 12-15%, and although I was moving at a manageable pace, it was still quite challenging. I knew it would be difficult, that it had been difficult, but I never imagined how difficult. I was facing breaking habits I’ve had since my beginning and completely trying to change the way my mind worked/thought. I had to sit down a time or two, get reinforcements, and remind myself that I was choosing to make this climb, that I could do it, and that it would be okay.

I guess what I didn’t realized when I embarked on this journey a year ago is how with each step you take the harder and harder it is to change. I always thought change was change and that it was created equal, but am beginning to realize that each time you leave the plateau and attempt to make “you” better it gets harder and harder because you are moving more and more into uncharted territories–getting more and more specific.

I wish I could say I moved further, that I had made bigger strides like I did in prior years, but this particular climb has taken more time than anticipated and I will be bringing some if it with me in 2011. I was upset by that earlier in the month, wishing the year would end and so would my climb, but I know it can’t be avoided. I’m not ready and I realize that now. You see, I learned a very valuable lesson as I made my way this year–with each climb you are collecting tools you will need for the next one. Line upon line. It all made sense when it came together like that. It’s exactly what I have been taught since I was a child. You can’t learn to run before you can walk. Each climb is necessary to get to the top. Each climb must be giving it’s own due time.

And so I continue….

I hope regardless of what 2010 held for you that 2011 will provide and be everything you need.

xoxo,
amy gretchen