pretending

I have a lot in my head today, but the problem is I don’t have a clue how to say it. I fear the truth and hide from it hoping that one day what I am pretending will actually be a reality.

What you ask? Motherhood. I’m not good at it. In fact, I struggle on a daily basis to face it each day knowing it’s the one thing I don’t do well. I know it can be learned, I mean that knowledge is the one thing that keeps me faking it. What I’m hoping deep down, somewhere, the more I try the better I will become, and the better I become the easier it will be and more natural it will feel.

It’s times like this, however, that I just want to run and hide. Yes, I realize a lot of it is the crazy lady talking and my reality is out of sorts where nothing seems possible and my feelings overwhelm me. This cost of sildenafil http://raindogscine.com/la-pelicula-una-noche-sin-luna-llega-a-las-salas-uruguayas/ particular disorder is very famously known to affect millions of men of all ages round the globe. Tadalis soft tabs act against PDE5 inhibitor and direct the blood supply towards achat viagra pfizer vital organs of the body. The early ejaculation herbal treatment viagra pill http://raindogscine.com/una-noche-sin-luna-se-estrena-en-argentina/ to increase climax time is as follows: one particular. The cialis samples reproductive system of the adult men and women found having unhealthy habits and increased the chance of not having sex by up to 78 % in men and women. Adam is constantly reminding me of the good and showing it to me…them. My 3 little ones that I do desperately love that right now I feel I’m fighting to hold onto.

So for the last few days I’ve had a chant going through my head, “It can be done, I can do it“. I am determined to make it so, even if at the end I realize I never understood it, at least I’ll know I did everything I could.

sigh…

Oh how I bug myself that I keep struggling with the same stuff. I told Adam last night if I was dying and had two weeks to live I would have a good ending. I can do anything for two weeks, it’s after that that things become fuzzy. So I apologize for the seemingly heavy post. It was not intended as such, it’s just what’s on my mind right now…my desire to be a good mother.

On a lighter note or maybe not quite….