I woke Sunday morning feeling one of those emotional days upon me. I never really know how to explain it, I just woke up feeling full. I didn’t question the reason for I know my mind has been consumed with thoughts lately…thoughts that haunt me daily. Thoughts I’m trying to work and come to terms with. During these times the only thing that helps is the gift of peace and comfort.

I was hoping that church would provide me with some sort of inspiration and calm me. With the power going out and starting church in darkness I was sure they would cancel, which I did not want to happen. I needed to be there so was grateful that after the first sacrament prayer the lights came back on. After that departure of normalcy, sacrament went as it usually does. Not a lot got in and I really wasn’t able to feel the spirit as I had hoped. I don’t know why I was surprised, I guess because I needed it so much.

The last speaker finished early and so the Bishop stood up and said, “I won’t take a lot of time, but I was impressed to stand up and share a few thoughts”. At this point surprisingly the girls were all looking through books and I was able to give him my undivided attention. I won’t go into the stories he told or all that he spoke about, but when he said, “We know what it is that we want, but we don’t always know how we need to get it. Too often in our lives we are expecting the answers from our prayers to come in the way we envision them. The Lord knows us and He knows what we need and how we need it.” I felt an overwhelming sensation that this was what I had gone to church for. This was the answer I was seeking. I know it sounds very basis and very simple…something I have heard many many times before in my life, but at that very moment I felt my Heavenly Father was literally speaking to me. It was exactly I mean exactly what I needed. I have never had a message speak so powerfully too me.

As I thought about it all day. I could see the hand of God in all things in my life. I could see the answers that have already been given and how they didn’t come the way I was expecting. How the Lord does know me personally. He knows exactly what I need and what I need to do to get it. Online pharmacy deals with best relieving medicines like acarbose, india cheap cialis aceon, cardizem, cazodex, lexapro, nizoral, paxil, Zoloft etc which plays the role of best relieving agent for different diseases. Sure icks.org levitra uk styles of greens are normally hazardous. Kaunch sildenafil generic uk is one of the best herbs to improve fertility and immune system. viagra for sale cheap After a while these symptoms could escalate into a major cardiovascular episode. That is what was so impressive to me. Most of the time my answers come with my effort. With me doing my part. I know I struggle with being anxiously engaged in my life. I come up with things to worry about, focus on the past, or do whatever it takes so that I don’t have to see/do what’s right in front of me. I believe one of the reasons why I can’t stop thinking about whether or not to have another child is because I’m afraid of what stopping means. It means moving on. Moving forward with life. I’m afraid of what lies ahead and find comfort in what I’ve already done. Fear is holding me back from life. I now understand my false never ending illnesses, my eating disorder, or not giving all of myself to those I love. They keep me from moving forward. They keep me from having to focus on the things that are really important in my life. They keep me safe, but I know it’s a false sense of safety. Because really I know that whatever I do, whatever I give will come back to me in the end so why not give my all to the life I have been given. I can’t believe how appropriate my word do is for this year. I believe I was guided to keep that word in mind. To let go and be and enjoy the life I have been blessed with…the life that lies ahead.

So this morning I woke up feeling an overwhelming sense of gratitude for Adam who talks to me into the wee hours of the night, but most importantly listens. For answered prayers. For start overs. For the gift of life.