I’ve been told before that my blog doesn’t match me. When I first heard it I was surprised. Not offended just surprised. I guess I had never thought about it before, someone matching their blog, but once I started thinking about it I realized they’re probably right…in a way.

I tend to think I’m a pretty enjoyable person to be around. I guess not always, I mean we all have our days right, but on the whole…enjoyable. So when I’m in a group setting with others I like to have fun, I love to laugh, sometimes I act silly, sometimes I’m loud. Yes, sometimes I can get myself in trouble with my unfortunately tenancy to blurt, I do apologize for that, and other times, no, always I love just sitting and chatting. So when someone visits my blog and finds heavy material I think they’re expecting to find a heavy person on the end of it and when they meet me in person I surprise them. To tell you the truth, I kind of like that.

I wish I could write funny or lighter, but I can’t, I don’t know how. Instead I’m inclined to write my thoughts and as you’ve witnessed I think a lot. Unfortunately, my thoughts aren’t always what others want to dwell on or think about themselves, but I can’t help it. When I’m inclined to write it isn’t about what happened to me today (I guess sometimes it is), but it’s mainly about how I’m feeling. Like for instance my post on motherhood. It’s a reoccurring theme in my life, that I don’t feel like I’m the greatest mother, and it was something I had to get out so I could move away from. Sadly I know I’ll have to do it again, which leads me wondering…what I should and shouldn’t share on my blog? Do they really want to know how I feel? Is it appropriate to share what I’m going through? I mean I realize it’s often hard to comment on a heavy post so it always leaves me wondering what you could be thinking or if you understand me at all?

This week I haven’t known what to say because I’ve been full, my mind has been full. I found myself finishing The Time Traveler’s Wife by Audrey Niffenegger with tears streaming down my cheeks. It left me missing Adam, needing Adam, fearing loosing Adam (in the death way), and pleading with God to never take him from me. Certainly not the best way to spend ones time, but I felt sort of paralyzed in my thoughts especially knowing that I have no control over my future in terms of when someone dies. It’s just, I know we have an eternal marriage and that we’ll be together forever, but this life, this one opportunity we have been given here to prove ourselves I don’t want to do it without him. Sigh. It took me some time, quite a bit of time, to remind myself it does nothing to worry about something I have no control of, but I need to spend my time focusing on what I can do. So I focus on us and making us the best we can be. Making each moment count and being grateful for what we do have together.

flowers given to my by adam last week

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So for me wanting to try even harder on my marriage I am grateful for the book, but I’ve decided I really need to read something funny right now or at least take a small reading break (It seems I’ve read a lot of heavy stuff lately and I need to laugh). I wasn’t in love with the writing and got sort of bored in parts of the middle, but I am intrigued by time travel and the love story that was woven in between. I’ve decided that a good ending can trump a mediocre middle so yes, I did like the book. I will put out a warning though…this book, like Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, has harsh language at times and a few inappropriate scenes.

Do books often throw you for a loop? Do you ever wonder whether or not you should share something on your blog?