I sat down to read some blogs and the first few I visited, Jill’s post about being comfortable with who we are and Crystalyn’s post about being a happiness maker, really got me thinking about my life, this past year, and what I’ve been striving for. To be honest I think about this stuff all the time and actually talk about it with Adam a lot. I’m desperate to find the key to being completely happy all the time. Though I think that’s a bit crazy, everyone has bad days, but I’m determine to make my life mine and stop wasting this beautiful gift that is life.
I’m, on a whole, a negative person or I should say I tend to see life in a negative light. I believe I have always been this way, but to tell you the truth I have no idea when my thoughts drifted. It’s nothing I’m proud of, but the fact still remains the same. I realize the effect it has on me and those that are around me is very damaging. For years I have been desperate to change it, but have found it to be quite a difficult task. Almost to the point where I’ve felt it to be an impossible feat. I’ve definitely given up a few times and have, as a result, found myself in a very lonely place. Once again as I began my journey I was determined to make it right, though I knew it was far beyond what I was capable of and I couldn’t do it alone. In searching for the right way to overcome my tendencies I came across some very powerful realizations about myself.
Being sad…this sad place I find myself frequently has become very comforting. To the point where I was afraid to let it go. I know that sounds very strange, but when something has been with you for so long it’s hard to imagine life without it. I mean really why would I want to be uncomfortable. Silly me, that is what this life is about. Happiness isn’t something that is given to us, it’s something we attain. It’s something we work for everyday of our life. It’s uncomfortable. It pushes us to be all we can. It meant everything in the world to me once I realized what I wanted was in my control. I have the power to make my life what I desire. A few weeks ago Michelle quoted from the book “She”, which I ordered and still never received, “She designed a life she loved.” It struck me so deeply, but so did the word’s Heidi Swapp wrote about the quote:
To me, this statement is about choices. It doesn’t say anything about her circumstances, her strengths or weaknesses. It doesn’t mention her challenges or her triumphs — only the fact that she made a decision. That her life was HERs and she knew that it was too precious, too short and too wonderful not to LOVE.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. ..” –marianne williamson
Once we find out what we are capable of it becomes harder and harder to sit idly by as life goes on without us; however, sometimes we do laze about and that’s when we wished we never knew our potential. Ok, some of you may not feel this way, but I can totally relate. It’s easier not to expect anything from myself. That’s one of the reasons why I find being a SAHM (stay at home mom) difficult. There is no one evaluating you or making you responsible for your day/time. Again, it’s up to me.
I have been amazed what going out of my comfort zone really feels like….awkward, uneasy, but always always rewarding in the end. Nothing in life comes without effort. NOTHING! That knowledge alone has given me so much hope and power and to be completely honest fear, because in the end I am responsible for the life I created. Man I have regretted a lot of things in my day, but I am determined not to regret my life. Truly it is a gift.
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I could have written this post myself. I hate the fact that I am so negative and pessimistic all the time then I hate the fact that I am hating myself, etc. etc.
It’s a daily battle sometimes. I really envy those women who just LOVE being a mother and truly enjoy every moment of it. I have to try really hard to just soak it all up and not get impatient and frustrated. I think I don’t like feeling out of control and with kids you just don’t have control all the time. You have to really give of yourself and just go with the flow. You can’t really plan a day b/c you never know what’s going to happen, who’s going to be sick, cranky, etc. It’s the most selfless thing a person can do, in my opinion, and that’s why it’s so hard.
I have a friend here with 8 kids and she is pregnant with #9, the oldest is about 10. She is SO happy all the time, always laughing and totally patient. Never stressed out at all. I am SO jealous of her and it’s a personal goal to be more like her. I know, like you said, it’s just a frame of mind, an attitude, a choice.
Thanks for sharing this with us. Please post again as you find strength, quotes, etc. that helps you b/c I need it too! Love you.
Well, Ames, I feel you’ve spoken for all of us because we’ve all been there, done that at some point in our lives. Thank you for sharing your heart and soul with us. It’s encouraging.
I don’t think anybody is happy all the time, but there are some people who are better able to roll with life easier than others. I feel like I’m getting better at doing that and am definitely happier in general because of it.
It’s definitely harder when you have little kids because they NEED so much more from you, but if that’s your life right now then it’s best to accept it and quit fighting it. (I definitely could have used this advice when my kids were smaller.)
The other thing that has made a HUGE difference for me this year has been blogging and actively sending good mail. I know I talk about it all the time, but that’s because I really believe it. I find that I’m thinking about other people almost all the time. When I’m out shopping I feel like I have this group of people in my head and I’m trying to decide who needs a pick-me-up. I think actively thinking about others and reaching out to them is a cure for negativity and selfishness, and a recipe for happiness.
Great post Amy!
Amy- what a great post. I’m like you- the BIGGEST pessimist. I think it is because I don’t want to be disappointed or shocked by the outcome- so if I assume it will turn out poorly, I am always pleasantly surprisd and happy when the exact opposite happens- my logic is a little crazy, but I’m at least controlling my happiness in some bizarro way.
I do think we have control of our lives and we are the only ones that can control and make it what we want, but that being said- the whole process is so much harder.
I think the idea that we ALL have to love being a mom and find complete happiness in it is ridiculous. Sure lots of people love it and find complete happiness, but those of us that don’t aren’t bad parents. Motherhood is such a messed up concept in society- in more ways than one.
Amy, thank you for this post. I guess everyone was on the same level this weekend.
It doesn’t sound weird at all to hold onto pessimistic thoughts. When you are critical (without offering solutions), you are giving up responsibility and that is a safe place to be.
I too have found comfort in sadness. I am an optimist, but self-critical and easily frustrated when I cannot control my situation. I have had to learn the hard way to trust in the Lord and take happiness from what I have.
Most of us are trained (whether by parents, teenage life, or nature) to be complainers. It is a conscious effort we must make to break those habits. I made a goal for personal progress as a YW to instantly think a compliment about everyone I met. That positive attitude seeped into everything in my life and it was a time when I was very happy and accepting.
Making an effort to be more positive, more happy, more thoughtful, more loving, any charateristic that is more Christlike even in little strides can have a tremendous influence on us and those around us.
Amy,
I have always loved when you write posts about this because I honestly can relate so much. My life goal the last two years has been about becoming a Joyful mother, but not just a mother, a joyful person.
The one thing I have learned is that it will not happen over night, and I have to allow myself the small accomplishments. If I look back two years ago, I am so much better than I was, but I feel like I have only stepped three steps. But, those were three steps further than I ever have been, and they feel huge to me.
It is a choice. And I realize that I choose my reaction and my action. I am going to fail sometimes, I am going to revert back, but what I have learned the most is that I no longer sit in the self destruction doubt stage. I see what I did, I repent, I brush myself and keep moving. See if I keep moving I think Satan has a harder time keeping up with me and my thoughts, so I am always one step ahead.
Thank you for posting this, truly it is who I am and also my greatest challenge and goal in life, and one day I think we will both make it.
amy i LOVE what you wrote. it seems we’ve all been there. and the sad place is comforting because we don’t have to work as hard, even though we may be sad. i struggle with this too. and when i’m in a positive place i think to myself that i never want to return to the sad place again, but sure enough, one morning i’ll wake up very overwhelmed and feel like i haven’t really changed and want to hang out there all over again. it’s tricky. and it’s deception at it’s worst because our perception is our reality. i believe our minds are one of our most powerful gifts from God because they are so key in our happiness and in what we create of our lives.
thanks for being so honest and real. we can all relate. it really is a process and something we learn. like anything it takes work and practice. i think a lot of it, at least for myself, is retraining my thoughts. just one day at a time…
Well said. I think it is hard for at least me right now because I have this little kiddo who just needs me and sucks me dry sometimes. Most days I can accept that and just go with it, but I do fall down that ravine sometimes and it is murder to get back out of it.
I don’t struggle with pessimism but being overly optimistic for the most part. I try to find the best out of any situation, but it gets exhausting and I wonder what the point of it all is. Why I let my hopes get built up the way I do. I just live off the thought that tomorrow is a new day and starts off good and fresh and that I can choose how to approach it.
Great post!