They left me
with your shadow,
saying things like
Life is not fair
& I believed them
for a long time.
But today,
I remembered
the way you laughed
& the heat
of your hand
in mine
& I knew that
life is more fair
than we can
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if we are there to live it
~storypeople I gently closed the book, tears slowly falling down my cheeks, and said a prayer of thanksgiving that this life is not the end — the relationships we are building and working on here will follow us into the next. My days have, for quite some time, moved around this simple, yet most precious truth, my family will live forever together when we are finished with this mortal experience. The peace this knowledge brings on a day to day basis is incomprehensible — our end is most certainly a new beginning. What a gift. I wish I could say this moment of solitude took place in the comfort of my bed or a dark quite space where I prefer to shed my tears, instead I sat behind the wheel of my car in the parking lot of Costco. The store hadn’t opened quite yet when I parked and I couldn’t keep myself from reading the end of The Fault In Our Stars even if I knew I wouldn’t be entirely prepared to enter the public eye when I finished — and I wasn’t. I had been right about that. Some might say it’s a love story in unfortunate circumstances, and while I adore love stories this book spoke more to me about life — how to live, how to appreciate the days we have, how to love and be loved. This book was yet another heavy reminder that while there is much in our way to make us fall, ultimately the path we carve is up to us. We have a choice which direction we go, or better yet, we have a choice how we go. What will you choose? It’s a question I ask myself on a daily basis. Almost as my eyes are attempting to let in the light my mind is already determining what kind of a day is ahead of me. It’s a conscious choice I make daily to live in the present, to be happy, to not let the little things derail me. I can’t say it always works, there are good days and bad days as I imagine you face as well, but it helps to know it’s completely up to me to find the good. And when I can’t, as is the case sometimes, I pray, seek perspective, lean on others to help carry me through, and hope for better understanding.
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