His graduation 1992. I believe the last photo taken of us together.

One by Metallica plays in the background and it’s all I can do to keep myself from hiding in a closet and letting the emotions overwhelm me. He made a talent show video to this song in high school and I watched it over and over and over again after his death trying desperately hard not to forget his memory. So this song in my mind is wrapped around his life. I can see him skiing, rock climbing, rollerblading in Moab, enjoying life to the fullest like he always did. It makes me happy to know that his life, though short, was full of goodness.

I have so many thoughts running through my head I don’t even know how to make sense of them anymore. It’s been fifteen years.

Sigh…

At times it seems like the other day and then other times I can see the distance between us.

I miss him.

Each and every day I miss him. I have fought to keep each detail as the years go by and thank God for each tender mercy that has reminded me of him in my life.

Megan came in while I was writing this and asked why I was so sad. She cried with me as I showed her photos and talked to her about how much I miss him, she’s such a tender soul. When I look at my girls I see the time. I see fifteen years, but how much I love knowing he was with them. They knew him.

So with a calm heart I face this day with gratitude in my heart that I knew such a person. He has forever made an imprint on me and I am forever changed.

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