Some might say an “over thinker”. Whatever the case I think a lot. I question everything. I run scenarios in my head over and over and over. I want life to turn out the way I have always envisioned. I don’t necessarily want perfection, but I don’t want the hurt. The sadness. I try to move through life avoiding the rough spots like a vehicle maneuvering through randomly placed orange cones. Eventually you will hit one…Right? Why can’t I get that? I know life is about trials and struggles. I know this. I know this deeply. I suppose sadness hurts so badly it’s unbearable to think of experiencing it again. I am beginning to truly face, don’t know why it has taken me so long, it’s the struggles in life that separates me from others. It’s the things that I go through everyday that makes me unique…the person I am. It’s the hardships that allow me to grow and learn. To be better. To become the person that I’ve always dreamed of. Without life’s curve balls I am never changing. Who should not consume Sildenafil tablets? Just like with any other medication, you should seek the correct advice and hopefully the solution may not require all viagra online purchase that much time or effort. Some of them are obvious- It levitra 60 mg does not involve open surgery or hormonal changes. secretworldchronicle.com cheapest viagra tablets The penis is one of the zones where this compound works. If you place an order online for kamagra tablets available in different strengths- 25mg, 50mg and 100mg, the medication should be checked and then taken as the dose viagra on line ordering secretworldchronicle.com depends on person’s health and age. I would gladly stay in one safe place, but I know life is not meant to be stagnate. If it were there would be no other point of this life than to gain a body.
Shortly after I returned home from Trek I came to the realization of why I have a problem with death. Whether or not this fear started due to my brother’s untimely death or if it was something that had been with me long before, I know not. What I do know is it’s something I can solve. I can actually begin to put these feeling to rest since I now know where the fear is coming from. This has been a great relief to me and a much needed answer. So why am I sharing this with you now? I have struggled with this as long as I can remember. It has been with me and shaped me for many years. I am not proud of it. At times it’s what’s kept me sitting on the side. From opening my heart for fear of the hurt. From experiencing life fully. Despite all that, after all this time it has taught me something very precious about myself I may not have understood any other way.
I am grateful for the trials in my past and present that have shaped the person I am. Even if the person I am is highly neurotic and loaded with fears. I am grateful I (with help from God) have the ability to change the things in my life I am not happy with and fight for the things I deeply need/want. I am grateful I can celebrate who I am despite my pitfalls. I am grateful for the chance to change and proof to myself that I am worthy of happiness…of joy.
I am grateful for life daily.
Beautiful.
I experience similar feelings and am an over thinker. I tend to get overwhelmed hearing of someone else’s sad event, illness, etc. It makes me so sad and I think that if it can happen to them then it should happen to me. I also spend too much time wishing I could avert all sorrow and major challenge and wondering what mine will be. I have been trying to think about just how wonderful my life has been and realize that maybe there will just be many “smaller” trials and not something tragic. Regardless, I realize these fears probably come from Satan. I too fight fears and am looking for any way I can to stay focused, full of faith and realize that I will be up to the task.
And yes, like Tx said, you are very well spoken. You have a wonderful way of saying so much so well and concisely.
Amy,
You truly just spoke my heart as well. I have always wondered why I am so terrified of dying. I am like you I play lot of things in my head, and a lot of the time it is what would my kids do without me, or my husband. What is death really like? Will I be there for them.
I am so glad that you are finally able to find a freedom from it. I have started my own freedom, and realize that FAITH is a key thing. Like you said with the trek, every time I hear the words to come come ye saints, I think if they of all people did not fear death than why should I. Yes it is a great joy, not a horrible thing. Thank you so much for sharing this. I am going to have to read it over and over again.
It’s wonderful that going to trek helped trigger this epiphany. It’s so interesting how our trials in life are so personally challenging for us, but would be nothing for someone else.
When I think of you I always think that all the struggles and limitations you feel are self-imposed. Maybe it’s like this for all of us (most likely it is), but for some reason I feel this so strongly in regard to you because I see how talented you are in EVERY SINGLE hobby and interest you participate in. It all comes so easily to you. You’ve been blessed with a great family, a wonderful husband, the best sister-in-law in the whole world (if I do say so myself), a beautiful home, GOOD health (imagined or real), the gospel, freedom, financial security, etcetera, etc.
So pretty much, I just keep thinking that the day you DECIDE to get over whatever fears are holding you back, then we should all stand back and watch for the greatness that is sure to follow. I truly think you can do ANYTHING you believe you can do. I don’t know if that is necessarily true of everyone else, but I really belief that it is for you.
Your thoughts have given me a lot to think about and I really appreciate that you shared them. Your perspective is so refreshing and real and it just gives me goose bumps a little. Thanks Amy.
Amy, Thank you for sharing such deep, personal beautiful words. You know I know what you’re talking about. No matter how many years go by, no matter how life changes I think there will always be raw feelings- at least that’s how it is for me. You just hope that with all the “neosporin and bandaids” that we put on, our souls will eventually be healed through our faith in the gospel and time. You are a wonderful person so full of life and fun- I love ya and I always will!!!
That is beautiful. I love it when I have an epiphany like that. I think that anything that holds us back is the adversary at work, and we do have it in our power to overcome our fears and worries. Have faith and trust in the Lord. Believe that he can take your burdens away and lighten your load. You’re on the right path!