Basically I’ve felt sort of blah for a while now. Not really knowing what or how to “do”. The not knowing tends to leave me constantly thinking, which inevitably causes me to do nothing at all. I have at some point been able to thwart my funk and taken a few photos last week, but other than that when it has come to anything remotely creative I have been empty. Yes, empty is a perfect word for it. I’ve definitely not had anything in me, no reserves to pull from.

Moods like these are always a bit depressing or misguided as I often run away and hide, preferably in a book, hoping that inspiration will come. And I guess at times it does, but often it keeps me focused in on other lives inside the novel and I forget about my own.

Yesterday after looking at the four blank canvases on my wall one too many times, I took them down and started to build my foundation. I pulled colors I thought would work good together, but also work with the wall color. Once I had completed the first stage (keep in mind only the first stage), I laid them to dry next to each other and the overwhelming feeling that I get sometimes started creeping in…what I saw was four seemingly blank canvases I had no ideas for.

I stopped. I left. I came back. I felt the same. Determined not to allow myself to let go so quickly I got on the computer and let one link lead to another until I found Elsie Flannigan. I must admit she has never really been an inspiration to me, not because I don’t think she’s fabulous or an inspiration, but because what she creates I cannot possibly relate to. My mind doesn’t work the same way, so while I admire her style and creativity, I admire with jealous eyes wishing I could be, they way she is, completely unique. Many men either due to physical and mental stress are predominant psychological states leading to buy uk viagra erectile dysfunction. About 40% of cases of potency levitra best price disorders are witnessed in normally healthy men, not suffering from illnesses that could affect the male power. Who’s right and who’s wrong in this never-ending debate? Let’s take an example of a popular ED drug cialis from india online. Hospital food cost of sildenafil is notoriously unappetising, another of those life facts, but it should still reach certain standards. Then I saw this painting that caught my eye. Perhaps it was that I had made a mistake while working on my canvases and already had a green background dried and ready to go or the fact that this drawing had a camera around the subjects neck. Whatever the reason, I decided I wanted to paint it. I want to tell you I was so inspired by her that I did my own thing, but sadly that is not the way it happened. Instead I was inspired to copy her painting…from the color, to the drawing, to the design. It’s not what I set out to do, but I guess I knew my mind was too full to be creative in my own right and I was so desperate to paint…I gave it a try.

It felt so good to just paint something, even if it wasn’t mine, to feel like I actually knew what I was doing gave me loads of confidence. It also taught me a lot about my technique, mistakes I’ve made in the past, and gave me ideas. Yes, ideas. So this morning I woke up wanting to do it again so I could continue the learning process I started yesterday.

Again I pulled from Elsie so I didn’t have to think where I was going next, but I could just work and learn. This is as far as I got. It’s not done, at least I know I want to put cloths on the girl and some detail work, but I don’t think I’ll spend time finishing it. I learned again from trying, feeling the paint beneath my paint brush and realized what techniques to use and what not to do to get certain results, and so for that reason the painting is finished (seeing how I’m not going to anything with it since it’s not really mine).

It feels very strange to have blatantly copied another artist, I’m not sure why I’m sharing it on my blog as it seems a bit shameful, except the fact that by doing it, it helped me, it opened my eyes. It got the paint brush in my hand and helped me move again. It got me feeling excited so now when I look at those four, now colored, canvases on my wall I’m not overwhelmed…just looking forward to playing with each one.